I Don't Want To Go

Well, maybe I'm a little excited about being away from home, finally on my own after all these years. But not really. My house is starting to feel different. I know I'll live here next summer, and during the holidays, but I already feel like I don't belong. A visitor. And that's a lonely feeling. Everything I know is about to change, and I really can't do anything about it. Maybe what is bothering me is the total lack of control I have over everything.

I have to leave the girl I love here, and I know that when I'm at school I'm going to want her there, with me, and I'll be sick. You know that feeling where you are positive that what you're doing isn't the right thing, that you need to be somewhere else, doing something else, at that very instant? I feel like that all the time now, and it's frustrating because I know it's only going to get worse.

Maybe it's nerves, maybe it feels like I'm being locked into a roller coaster car with no way to get out, or maybe I'm just scared to death.

That's probably it.

I'm taking Libby to the 40 Year Old Virgin tonight - I love Steve Carrell.